The Cullen's Crazy Mini Golf Extraordinaire
by FidgeyTova
Summary: The Cullen's decide its a good day to go mini golfing, but it turns into complete chaos for Edward as Emmett can't stop causing trouble! Sequel coming soon, so please review! Warning! 100% Crack!


Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

**The Cullens Crazy Mini Golf Extraordinaire **

Bella sighed. It was a beautiful rare sunny day in Forks and she wanted to be outside but didn't want to leave Edward behind. She sat on Edwards couch staring at the sky. Edward silently walked up behind Bella, startling her, and wrapped his arms around her waist. She smiled at him as he gave her a kiss on the forehead.

"Can't you just not be sparkly for one day?" Bella asked knowing the answer anyway.

Edward laughed, "You know I can't change."

"It's so nice out! I want to go do something!" Bella whined.

"What would you like to do, love?"

"I don't know…uh…mini golf?" Bella said on a whim.

Suddenly there was a loud series of footsteps running towards Edwards room. Bella moved behind Edward as Edward sighed Emmett's name. There was a huge crash. Emmett broke through the wall rather then using the door like a civilized vampire.

"Emmett, you forget how to use a door?" Edward sighed.

"Did….I hear MINI GOLF!" Emmet screamed exchanging glances between Edward and Bella.

"Yeah, I want to go. I just want to do something outside." Bella confessed still scared about the 6 foot vampire running through the wall.

Emmett ran up to Bella and grabbed her shoulders, "Mini Golf! Now!"

"But…but it's sunny out! You will attract too much attention!" Bella tried squirming out of Emmett's grasp but failed.

"Emmett, think for once. You know we can't" Edward said releasing Bella from Emmett's grasp.

"But I want to go mini golfing!" Emmett whined like a three year old while jumping up and down, "I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna-"

SLAP!

"What the! Edward you, you just slapped me!" Emmett said holding his hand to his cheek, "You bitch!"

"You are so immature." Edward calmly said.

"What is going on up here?" A composed voice called from behind the door.

"Oh Carlisle!" Bella called, shocked.

"Emmett's acting like a whiney child." Edward glared at Emmett. Emmett stuck his tongue out at Edward in response.

"Edward, stop hitting my husband. I'm the only one who can hurt him." Rosalie walked in the room with Jasper following behind.

"Yeah! Wait…" Emmett started.

"I would like to go mini golfing too." Jasper said.

"Don't you start too, Jasper!" Edward started.

"Revolt! Revolt!" Emmett started screaming brandishing his arms running around the room in circles.

"Ok Edward. We're ready to go." Alice gracefully pranced into the room.

"What do mean?" Edward was scared to ask.

"I reserved the whole mini golf course for just us!" Alice smiled.

"WOOHOO!" Emmet punched the air and gave Jasper a high five.

"Alice! Your amazing!" Bella hugged Alice who was happy to have made Bella happy.

Edward tried to calm everyone down, "Wait! This isn't a good idea! Carlisle tell them-" Edward looked to his side but Carlisle wasn't there, "Carlisle, where'd you go?"

Carlisle walked into the room with a bag of golf clubs, wearing spiked shoes, a polo t-shirt, and tan pleated pants topped off with an old fashioned golf hat.

"Carlisle…..no." Edward stared at his attire.

"What are we waiting for! Let's go golfing!" Carlisle whistled as he walked out of the room. Jasper, Rosalie, and Alice all followed.

Emmett walked up to Edward staring down at him. Emmett pulled back his hand and smacked Edward across the face, "That was for slapping me!" Emmett ran out the room giggling. Edward stood dumbfounded.

"Well, let's go." Bella hopped up and kissed the cheek that Emmett slapped, "We might as well make the best of it!" She said as she grabbed Edwards wrist and dragged him out of the room.

The car ride to the golf course was mostly uneventful besides the fact that Emmett and Jasper were singing 'Every Time We Touch' by Cascada. Edward put a dent in the door from banging his head the whole ride there.

"Edward your such a party pooper!" Emmett said poking Edward for what seemed like the millionth time.

"EMMETT FOR THE LAST TIME STOP POKING ME!" Edward screamed. Emmett just giggled at his reaction. After that Emmett just waved his hands in front of Edwards face saying that Edward can't yell at him because he wasn't touching him.

Finally, the Cullen's got to the golf course without any casualties. Carlisle got all the golf balls and handed one to everybody. Emmett popped it in his mouth.

"Ugh! Emmett take that out of your mouth!" Rosalie slapped Emmett in the back of his head. The blue golf ball fell into his hand.

"Hey! That's my gum ball!" He yelled.

"No. That's your golf ball, honey."

"Oh."

Bella raced ahead to Hole #1 and waved everyone over. She placed her pink golf ball on the ground and tried a few practice swings. When she was confident she could hit it she took a swing at the ball. She swung a little too hard and the golf ball ricocheted off an obstacle and hit Jasper in the groin. Jasper's eyes went wide and he fell to the ground covering his crotch.

"Hahahahaha!" Emmett was prancing around the course laughing at Jasper.

"Oh! Jasper I'm so sorry!" Bella ran over to Jasper and put her hand on his shoulder, "I didn't mean to hit you! I'm sorry! I didn't even think that could even hurt you, you know, you being a vampire and all!" Edward grabbed her by the arm telling her it would be ok.

"Hahaha- UMPH!" Emmett tripped in the hole and fell face first. Jasper let out a weak laugh and pointed at Emmett. After Jasper finally got up, they resumed their game of golf.

After a couple holes, Rosalie noticed that her husband and Jasper were missing, "Hey, where's Emmett and Jasper?"

"Oh great!" Edward, who was currently winning, mumbled stopping in mid swing.

Everyone looked around the course but the two vampires were nowhere to be seen. Then an ominous revving of an engine could be heard. Everyone faced the direction that the sound was coming from. Then they could see a golf cart advancing in their direction. Emmett was behind the wheel and Jasper was in the passenger seat waving the golf clubs and nearby obstacles. They were howling what seemed like battle cries.

"What the-?" Edwards face would have been red with anger if it could've been, "Emmett! Jasper!"

"Huzzah!" Emmett and Jasper yelled as they flew over a mound. The cart went about 7 feet in the air before it hit the ground and tipped over. Emmett was ejected from the cart and Jasper was underneath the cart. "Oh Yeah! I got mad air!" Emmett yelled triumphantly.

Edward was rubbing his temples like he had a bad headache. He felt someone tugging at his shirt and looked over to see it was Bella. Bella pointed to Jasper trying to crawl from underneath the crashed golf cart. Then suddenly it caught fire.

"Damn!" Jasper growled.

"Well, let's go to the next hole." Edward casually walked off.

"But wait! Edward aren't you going to help him?" Bella asked, concerned.

"No, he needs to learn to behave." Edward said placing his golf ball down at the next hole. He putted and the ball was heading straight for the hole but the little explosion knocked the ball off course. Edward growled and walked off.

About three holes later Jasper caught up with the rest of the group. His clothes were charred black and ripped, "Hey guys! What did I miss?"

"Jasper! What were you thinking!" Edward began to scold him but Jasper walked to the hole and set his ball down. "Hey! Pay attention to me!" Edward was screaming.

Jasper gently tapped the ball and made a hole in one. Then casually he walked off all the while ignoring Edward. "Damn it Jasper!"

"Oooh my turn!" Emmett then set his green golf ball down. Without even looking at the hole he swung as hard as he could. The ball flew over the fence and hit a car. The angry passenger stuck his hand out the window and yelled.

"Hey look Edward!" Emmett yelled, "They're saying 'I'm number one!'"

"Actually they're giving you the finger, Emmett." Edward sighed and walked away.

"Your going to miss." Alice said. She and Rosalie moved on not wanting to wait for the rest to catch up.

"Shut up!" Rosalie growled trying to concentrate on her putt.

"Just saying…." Alice said rocking back and forth on her heels.

As Alice predicted, Rosalie missed. In frustration, Rosalie threw down her golf club. She stormed off to the bench and crossed her arms over her chest.

"I'm sorry." Alice apologized, not even meaning it.

"Whatever. I don't like golf anyway."

Bella was concentrating on her putt. She was about to swing when someone knocked her over. She looked up from the ground the see Emmett blindfolded and running with scissors.

"Emmett! Stop!" Edward was chasing after him but stopped to help Bella up "You could have hurt Bella!"

"Who's Bella?" Emmett asked, he received an evil glare in return, "Oh right! That chick you like."

"Emmett!" Edward tackled him, "Where did you get the scissors anyway?"

While Edward was beating the crap out of Emmett. Bella tried swinging again. She swung to hard, missing the ball and hitting herself in the head. Edward looked up from his fight with Emmett when he heard Bella fall, "Bella!" He ran to her side.

"I-I'm okay." Bella massaged the spot on her head.

"Carlisle!" Edward called. He came running over when he saw Bella on the ground. Edward then informed him as to what happened.

"Hmm….she might have a case of cephalgia." Carlisle said.

"What!" Edward asked nervously.

Carlisle laughed, "Nothing serious Edward, just a headache!"

Edward sighed, "Bella, can you get up?"

"Uh…huh." Bella slowly lifted herself with the help of Edward.

"BEAR!" Emmett's loud voice boomed through the whole golf course.

"UH!" Edward was at his breaking point, "What now!"

He looked over to find Emmett having a staring contest with a giant plastic bear that happened to be an obstacle at the last hole. Emmett's eyes were wide and his mouth was open. Slowly he walked up to it. He grabbed either side of the bears head and laid his head against it's nose. Edward had the 'What the hell is he doing' look on his face. Then Emmett let out an ear piercing scream. Edward made his way over to Emmett to try and get him down. Then Emmett began gnawing at the bear trying to drink it's blood.

"Emmett! It's made of plastic! It's fake!" Edward grabbed Emmett and tried to pull him down.

"No! I saw it first! It's mine! All mine!" Emmett was clawing at the bear, "I'll drink yo blood bitch!"

"Damn it Emmett!"

"Emmy!" Rosalie called, "Get off that bear!" She began to assist Edward in getting Emmett off the bear. Alice and Jasper came too, but didn't want to interfere just yet. They enjoyed watching Edward and Rosalie.

"Emmy! Stop drooling over that bear!" Rosalie was angry, "You can only drool like that over me!"

"Come on Emmett!" Edward growled.

"Emmett!" Carlisle's gentle but firm voice caught Emmett's attention.

"…" Emmett knew he was in trouble but didn't release his grip on the bear.

"Get off the bear, Emmett." Carlisle was serious now.

'But…but"

"Now Emmett."

"Yes sir."

"Good Boy." Carlisle patted his head.

"I think we should go now." Edward suggested still holding onto Bella tightly.

"Yes, let's go." Carlisle agreed, "I kicked all your butts anyway!"

Everyone got home and was greeted by Esme.

"How was your day?" She asked in her sweet motherly voice.

Everyone mumbled a different response from 'Ugh whatever' to 'It was awesome!'

"Oh, that's good I guess." She replied.

Edward glared at Emmett. He held him responsible for everything that happened.

"Next time, IT"S BOWLING!" Emmett yelled happily doing a little dance.

"Hell yeah!" Jasper and Emmett gave each other high fives.

"I foresee lots of pain….." Alice quietly said.

"Ugh! I broke a nail" Rosalie walked off to find a nail file.

"I do rock at bowling." Carlisle walked off with Esme.

Edward's head fell into his hands. Bella wrapped her arms around him trying to comfort him.

Needless to say, Edward was not very excited.

**The End**


End file.
